A "virtual ofrenda" for All Saints Day

Today is All Saints Day, and the first of los Dias de los Muertos. This is the day for remembering deceased loved ones.

Who are you remembering today? I'd like to invite you to create a virtual ofrenda with me. The traditional Mexican ofrenda has three levels, or tiers, so ours should, too.

On the top tier, we identify and invite our loved one to our ofrenda, usually with a photo of the person. If you're thinking of someone, picture them in your mind, or find a photo. Perhaps this poem can be our invitation:

On the middle tier, we try to make them feel welcome. On a typical ofrenda, this welcome often takes the form of food or drink that the person enjoyed--a favorite dessert, treat, or brew/vintage/spirit. Take a moment to think about your loved one. Did they have a favorite drink (were they a Coke or Pepsi person, for instance?), or perhaps a favorite treat? I had an aunt who loved carrot cake. At dinner on the day of her interment, we remembered her with carrot cake for dessert.

Traditional ofrendas offer sweet breads, in addition to personalized foods: pan dulce or pan de muerto. They also decorate with calaveras (decorated sugar skull-shapes) and bright yellow and orange marigolds, the Aztec flower of the dead whose scent is thought to invite the spirits closer. On our virtual ofrenda, perhaps these will be appropriate:

On the bottom tier of the ofrenda, there are almost always lit candles, and frequently a washbasin of water, towel, comb, etc. so the spirit can refresh itself. The spirit realm, it seems, is a desolate, dusty space. So let's offer your loved one's spirit a virtual spa day.

The point of an ofrenda is honor and cherish loving memories of a person who is no longer living. To remember is to help extend your loved one's legacy, and in a way to help them live on.

Let's complete our virtual ofrenda by thinking of something sweet, loving, funny, or otherwise typical that your loved one did or said, that brings a warm feeling to your heart and a smile to your face. Such feelings are the best legacy of all.

I hope you (and your loved one's spirit) have enjoyed my offering of this virtual ofrenda. If you'd like to extend your loved one's life-in-memory and share a fun or touching story in the Comments section, I'd be honored.

IMAGES: I found the image with the poem by John F. Connor on Pinterest. Many thanks! I also am grateful to AskIdeas, for the "Welcome Back" sign, and to Milissa Silva-Diaz, whose La Experiencia Mexicana page gave me the photo of the pan de muertos, marigolds, and sugar skull. Thanks are due to Creative Blogging, for the "spa day" evocation photo; I feel refreshed, just looking at it. The "Remembering Good Times" image is from QuotesGram. The "Good Times + Crazy Friends" image is from hplyriks, via the QuotationInspiration Pinterest page. The "A Good Friend Knows" image is from DailyInspirationalQuotes, via Quotes By Who. The "Most treasured heirlooms" Quote is from Picture Quotes. MANY THANKS TO ALL! 

Artdog Quote of the Week: The Most Important Gifts

Last Monday I talked about gifts from God, and the value of creative work in our all-too-unimaginative world. 

But there's another kind of extremely important gift that we must never forget to give.

Never take the people who love you for granted. They, too, are God's gifts to you, and if you fail to appreciate them while they are in your life, you will lose something of untold worth. 

In every stage of life we are given the gifts of others' love or regard. And in every stage of life we can either cherish the gift or spurn it. 

For many of us, the Holidays are a time of having to "put up" with irritating relatives. Sometimes there truly is just no salvaging the relationship. In those cases, the most healthy, loving thing you can do is to step back, to disengage. 

But in many cases, it's a matter of failing to communicate. Before you turn and walk away, make sure you've done your best to reach out in love, to listen, and try to understand. The other may never be your favorite person, but if you can make a positive connection, it can ease a lot of burdens, and avert a lot of regrets. 

I wish you the best of success, and the best of Holidays.

IMAGE: Many thanks to QuotesJunk.

Days of the Dead: All Saints Day

Because we have a significant Hispanic population in Kansas City, I learned several years ago about some holiday observation traditions for the Days of the Dead.

I have a lot of admiration for a cultural celebration that deals in a poetic and artistic way with the reality that death inevitably touches every life.

This graveyard in San Gregorio, Mexico has been decorated for the Days of the Dead (AP/Alexandre Meneghini)

The culture in which I grew up does not handle death very well. Much of mainstream U.S. culture seems to worship youth and health, but tries to ignore or banish any intimation that illness, disability or death may exist.

To my mind this is both foolish and futile. It turns us into cowards, who live in carefully-blinkered denial. It sets us up to be blindsided by one of the profound realities of existence, and it seriously distorts our priorities.

As a result, I believe we live less fully, and care less well for those who've fallen victim to life's misfortunes.

We often don't know what to say to people who are grieving a loss. As someone who has lost loved ones, I believe what we should do is embrace the sadness, acknowledge the loss, and smile at the good memories.

Here are a couple of others' thoughts on that.

Keep your loved ones close, cherish them in life, and also in memory. They are why we are who we are today.

IMAGES: Many thanks to NBC Latino's 2012 feature on the Days of the Dead, for the beautiful photo of the Mexican graveyard; to The Better Future's website, for the "Speak their Name" graphic; and to Christine Snider's Pinterest board, and amiesniderDESIGN's Etsy site, for the "Those we love don't go away" graphic.