The Power of Kindness

By Jan S. Gephardt

Our society consistently overlooks the potential of a hugely powerful force that each of us holds within our basic nature. We overlook it – but we also too frequently discount it, disparage it, or make active choices to shut it out. What is this superpower that each of us could grasp but all too often spurn? It’s the power of kindness.

Uh-huh. You see what you did there? If you’re like many of us, your reaction was an underwhelmed, “Oh. Is that all?” Kindness isn’t popularly considered to be sexy (although I can’t recommend it highly enough for intimate connections!). It isn’t loud or flashy. It isn’t normally considered exciting, daring, or edgy, although I could make a case that it’s outrageously daring in today’s world.

November 13 was World Kindness Day, originated 25 years ago by the World Kindness Movement. But from where I sit, the world seemed to pay it little heed. We in the US were too taken up with “who will prevail in the elections?” Or maybe the focus centered on the battle to re-take Kherson. Some of us never lifted our head up to see beyond our own struggles, yearnings, or rivalries.

That’s all too often how we act. We elbow kindness aside with an attitude of “yeah, right, whatever. Weak!” But if we do that, we’re wrong. Kindness, at its base, is rooted in love. And although we may see our world as harsh and loveless (it all too often is), there are few things more powerful in human life than love – the source that fuels the power of kindness.

Many thanks for this image, AZ Quotes!

The Power of Kindness to Friends

Each of us needs to stop from time to time and ask: What kind of friend am I? Am I the kind of friend I would want to have in my life? Some of us display a regrettable tendency to seek out only people who we think can do things for us. We may be attracted to folks who are funny or popular, but we only stick around as long as they entertain us or give us something.

A person whose strategy is essentially to collect lots of acquaintances but withhold their real self is a fool to think they have lots of friends. What they have are lots of acquaintances with few meaningful attachments. Those relationships are transactional at their root and easily severed. Our overall well-being depends on the quality of our friendships (the depth, much more than the number). But many of us fail to regularly nurture those connections with regular attention, love, and empathy. We fail to remember the power of kindness.

Deep, lasting friendships require time and attention. Sometimes we need to step up and do more giving than receiving, while other times we must let down our guard and dare to show a vulnerability. A while back my sister wrote a blog post about “Stuff that Works.” That is, things in our lives that are dependable and durable. Her post mainly discussed things, but as friends our most rewarding role is to be an essential part of the “stuff that works” in the lives of our friends. The power of kindness runs bedrock-deep in the best and most meaningful friendships.

Much gratitude for this quote-image, Quotefancy!

 

The Power of Kindness to Strangers

We meet many strangers – and we tend to make snap evaluations. Our assumptions tend to “otherize” strangers. It’s the same process we use when we mentally divide ourselves against “enemies.” But how often do we see them as individuals in need of kindness? A smile, a helping hand with dropped things, a little kindness when you realize someone is struggling—that can make a person’s day. It’s a good practice to look at others and try to really see them. That requires not being totally self absorbed, which is the first step to unlocking the power of kindness.

A moment leaps to mind: British TV anchor Tom Bradby interviewed Meghan Markle in 2019. Perhaps tuned in with the fine-honed empathy that helps an interviewer bring out the unexpected, he asked how she was doing. “Thank you for asking because not many people have asked if I’m OK,” she replied. She’s rich. She’s famous. But she also was still a newlywed, a brand-new mother, and she had been the brunt of brutal, unrelenting, public criticism. In short, wealth and fame didn’t shield her. She most definitely was not okay.

Do we routinely thank people who perform services for us? The checkout clerk, the UPS guy, the people who pick up your trash, or any of a hundred others: Sure, they’re just doing their job. But they’re doing it faithfully, delivering good service for low pay and few perks. In a world where nearly everyone is rude, impatient and entitled, just doing that every day takes courage. We never know what our appreciation and kindness might mean to someone else. But we do know that everyone needs the power of kindness in their lives.

Many thanks to Theravive @theravive on Twitter.

 

The Power of Kindness to Ourselves

Who’s the one person we most often find ourselves criticizing, sniping at with snide remarks, or berating mercilessly? For all too many of us, that’s the bulk of our self-talk. What kind of inner life is buoyed up by such reflections? We may think we’re exhorting ourselves to greater accomplishments . . . but all too often we’re tearing ourselves down by mindlessly repeating cruel things others have said to us in vulnerable moments.

Occasionally a friend will say something self-destructive of that type. My response is always, “Don’t you talk to my good friend like that!”

And no. That is NOT “going too easy” on ourselves. No matter who told us that, they were dead wrong. Destructive, unkind and ugly self-talk can be the most destructive of all. We – ALL of us –need kindness. That goes double for our tender inner selves. Rule of thumb: if it’s not something you would say to a good friend whom you respect and cherish, then don’t say it to yourself!

We must learn to re-script those inner messages until they are affirmations of strength. That’s the only real way to free ourselves from crippling doubt. Only then can we give ourselves license to achieve greater things. The power of kindness is never a weakness.

Many thanks for this quote-image to Patricia Morgan’s Solutions for Resilience (pro tip: the article it came from is well worth reading, too!).

What if We Made Every Day Our “World Kindness Day”

I hope by now I’ve made my point that the power of kindness can be transformative. It can make the world a better place. Not everywhere at once, maybe. Whether or not we treat those around us with kindness, we’re not going to convince Vladimir Putin to do the right thing. But we will at least be helping to make our own corner of the world a better place.

Showing kindness is a habit of mind. Imagine what could happen if more of us cultivated it! What kind of a world would it be if all of us made patience and compassion a practice? What if we always thanked people when they gave good service? And what if we asked them please, rather than demanding things?

When we’re online, what if we all chose the power of kindness? We would check the facts behind outrageous assertions. We would think twice before we typed in a hateful or disparaging comment. I’ve found that when I consistently delete, hide, or report nasty comments on my feed, my online world is gentler and kinder. Isn’t that a better environment to be surrounded by?

I’ firmly convinced. If enough of us demonstrate empathy and kindness foremost in our lives, then the power of kindness really will change the world.

IMAGE CREDITS

Kindness and fair play demand that we give credit where it’s due! Therefore, I wish to thank AZ Quotes, Quotefancy, Theravive, and Patricia Morgan’s Solutions for Resilience for the quote-images that added such beauty and wisdom to this week’s post!

Stuff that Works

 By G. S. Norwood

Do you have trusted favorites? Movies you always turn to when you’re sad? Music that somehow never grows old? Maybe it’s a series of books that feature such a beloved setting and characters you can slip away into them whenever the world makes you weary, and find yourself at home amongst friends. Do you long to pull on your favorite sweater, and settle down in your favorite chair, with your favorite tea in your favorite mug? Congratulations! You’ve found yourself some stuff that works.

Americana music legend Guy Clark defined stuff that works as, “Stuff that’s real. Stuff you feel. The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall.” Here’s some of the stuff that works for me.

As You Wish

My relationship with The Princess Bride goes all the way back to William Goldman’s original novel. I discovered it at a little science fiction book store just off campus when I was working toward my BFA in Theatre. I read it in a weekend to escape more academic reading assignments, then started sharing it with my friends. And I even brought it to the costume shop where I worked over the summer. If an actor was assigned to help us, but had no sewing skills, we would demand dramatic readings for entertainment. The sword fight on the Cliffs of Insanity was a big favorite.

One thing that works: The Princess Bride. (Credits below).

So I was eager to see what Rob Reiner had done with the story when the film came out in 1987. Warren had no experience with the story, but trusted my judgement, and he loved it so much we went back a second time to take his mother to see it. Then we visited my mother at Thanksgiving and took her to see it, too. Now I divide my friends into those who quote The Princess Bride and those who have no idea what the rest of us are laughing about.

I watched it again not long ago, and am delighted to say that it still holds up just fine.

Dried Leaves in Water

Somehow, I never picked up the habit of drinking coffee. I remember, when I was a kid, my parents’ morning coffee smelled so good as it was perking. But, when I begged for a sip, the bitter brew tasted just horrible. They drank it black, and never thought to sweeten it with milk and sugar for a child’s palate.

Tea was a different story. Mom used to give us hot tea with buttered graham crackers when we came home from school in the afternoon. We always had iced tea in the summer. By the time I got to college, my taste for tea marked me as a slightly eccentric individual. (Even back then I enjoyed having that kind of reputation.) Now I start nearly every day with a cup of hot tea.

All set for dried leaves in water! The ceramics are all by Alex Macias. (Photo by G. S. Norwood).

My taste for functional pottery grew out of my love for tea. Now my mug collection threatens to take over my kitchen cabinets, and nearly all my dishes are handmade pottery creations.

A Home in Notting Hill

I have never been to England, but I feel as if I have friends in Notting Hill. This is because mystery writer Deborah Crombie does such a great job of evoking the sights, sounds, and criminal intent of London in her Duncan Kincaid/Gemma James novels. She calls them “novels with a body in them,” and has created such a beloved cast of characters that I can’t wait to read each book as it comes out. Opening a new Deborah Crombie novel is like sitting down with old friends over tea, for a nice long gossip, to catch up on what they’ve been doing. Going back to re-read earlier books is a joy as well. Escaping the stress and boredom of the mundane world with a trip to Notting Hill is a coping mechanism that has worked for me for years.

Mystery novelist Deborah Crombie and her book covers to date (credits below).

Random Pleasures

There’s lots of other random stuff that works for me. Stuff I can go back to whenever I feel stressed or just too tired to think. The animated film, Wreck-it Ralph is a good example. Weird, I know, but I’ve watched it more than a dozen times.

Jimmie Dale Gilmore’s cover of the old Robert Hunter/Jerry Garcia song, Ripple. You can play that one at my funeral, if you’re not sure what music is appropriate.

A soft gray sweater tunic I picked up one year at Chico’s. It’s baggy. Shapeless. It came in purple and gray. I leaned toward the purple, but it looked horrible on me. The gray, however, was cloud-soft, flattered my face, and lived in my closet for years and years and years. I always look forward to the onset of cold weather because I know it is waiting for me.

Some of the Stuff that Works for G. (credits below).

Stuff That Works

Deviled Eggs and Fudge Brownies are not necessarily to be eaten together. But these two simple foods are my go-to recipes when I need to contribute to a pot luck dinner. I am a traditionalist on both fronts.

The deviled eggs have mayo, yellow mustard, and a dusting of paprika. You can use vinegar, pickle relish, Dijon mustard, or any number of other “gourmet” variations, but they won’t taste right. The original is always the best.

Ditto the brownies. Make ‘em from scratch. Use butter and Baker’s unsweetened chocolate. Replace the walnuts the recipe calls for with Nestle’s Toll House Morsels. You won’t regret it.

And that’s the goal, isn’t it? To find stuff you can reach for, time and again, when you need just the right thing without overthinking it. What is some of the stuff that works for you?

IMAGE CREDITS:

We definitely have a lot of people to thank for the imagery in this week’s post, starting with Paul Adamietz and his You Tube Channel for the “GUY CLARK STUFF THAT WORKS” video. If you enjoyed it, please give him a thumbs-up (and maybe subscribe?). While we’re on the relatively simple images, we’d like to thank G. S. Norwood for the photo of her MUG, PLATE, AND TEAPOT, all created by Alex Macias, of Alex Macias Ceramics of McKinney, TX. All of the montages were assembled by Jan S. Gephardt. Credits for the montage images are grouped by montage.

For the PRINCESS BRIDE montage:

We thank the following: Fototelegraf, for the movie still of Fred Savage and Peter Falk as the grandson and grandfather. Kentucky Sports Radio, for the photo of Inigo (Mandy Patinkin), Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), and Fezzik (André the Giant). All Posters, for the kiss that “left them all behind,” featuring Westley (Cary Elwes) and Buttercup (Robin Wright). On roughly the next row down, we acknowledge with gratitude: Abe Books, for the 1984 cover of the edition that G. read, of William Goldman’s book, The Princess Bride.

We were delighted to find Kelly Martinez’s “Movies from Another Point of View” on Buzzfeed, with the “Have Fun Storming the Castle” photo of Carol Kane and Billy Crystal as Valerie and Miracle Max (the latter recently quoted in a different post on this blog). Thanks very much to Amazon, for the nice image of the original movie poster from 1987. And for the center-bottom photo, once again featuring Elwes and Wright as Westley and Buttercup, we’d like to acknowledge (and urge you to investigate) All Roads Lead to the Kitchen’s recipe for “Fire Swamp Fireball Cocktail.”

For the montage of DEBORAH CROMBIE and ALL HER BOOKS:

We are delighted to thank Ms. Crombie herself, via her website. Since G. mentioned the Notting Hill setting, we were pleased to find the photo of Deborah Crombie at Falafel King in Notting Hill, London (2009) in her website’s photo gallery. And we gratefully acquired the images of her book covers (with helpful ordinal numbers!) from her website’s listing of The Books. Many thanks and much love, Deb!

For the STUFF THAT WORKS montage:

Many thanks to IMDB, for the Wreck-It Ralph movie poster. A big thank-you to Jimmie Dale Gilmore’s website “Photos” gallery, for the photo of Gilmore on stage. The mouth-watering photo of fudge brownies with chocolate chips comes from Food and Thrift’s post, “Chocolate Chip Fudge Brownies . . . and Breast Cancer Awareness!” (YES! There’s a recipe there, too!). Now we’re both grateful to blogger Elizabeth, and craving brownies. Finally, author G. S. Norwood is also the author of the deviled eggs (and the apple pie in the background), as well as the photographer for the last image on the right. Many thanks to all!